This isn’t the
exact breath choking experience one undergoes when the throat is being squeezed
but something similar that which is lot more uncomfortable. This happens ‘coz
of being over-burdened with or over indulgence of excessive love, care and
concern.
Ever felt the
constraint that is forced upon oneself by the care/ attention bestowed upon you
by your parents/ friends/ well-wishers? Ever felt the desire to break free of
the shackles you are bound to, due to your inability to do something “BY”
yourselves, just because someone else in their anxiousness or over-excitement
did that for you?
Well… that’s
precisely what I am gonna be talking about. I will talk about how people manage
to make the other person feel ultimately pissed off and miffed at, even though
the reason behind the display of such a behaviour is due to care (misconstrued
as overwhelming care), plain & simple love (mistaken for excessive display
of love) and genuine concern (perfectly misinterpreted as obsession or
possessiveness) . If I miss anything here, pls feel free to keep it to
yourselves :P….
Let’s take
some scenarios which “some” people (say X) feel is a display of their
willingness & pride in accomplishing something for the person (say Y) they
care most for---
Y needs to
buy something and wish that they know a bit more about it, and X here goes full
steam ahead. X deems it to be their ‘mission’ and prepares a sort off project
manual listing the specs of the item asked, the alternatives, the reviews, the
best prices, where to get it, how etc etc…. Though this is information overload
X feels that Y needs to have the best of inputs necessary and suggests the best
one. Y here feels that the efforts of X need to be appreciated (forced) and
goes ahead.
Y needs to
travel to a destination all by themselves, X will make sure they knows their
destination well, how to get there and back, tell Y what should be avoided,
call every day and asks to be kept posted, etc. X desires to ensure that Y
doesn’t face any problem.
And once the
above travel happens and if that happens to be a long duration, X wishes to
learn that Y is doing alright. For them, their health & well-being is of
prime importance… and during the process of being kept updated enquires about
the same, the food, the stay etc. And ohh yeah, the latest advent of social
network doesn't help the case, Y is bugged on WhatsApp, Viber, Skype, Facebook,
Line etc etc until the desired information is provided... and if delayed
"hey you were online naaa... couldn't u have just said
something"....
I am sure the
above scenarios are applicable to quite a few of us guys/ gals. So, why this
should be likened to ‘suffocating’? The main negative aspect of this kind of
love/ care/ concern/ attention is X does not allow Y to find their feet or
least leave space/ time for themselves.
X does not
want Y to unravel things for themselves, simply because they does not want them
to get disappointed/ hurt. So ultimately, X is killing all initiative Y
wants or wishes to take. There is a lot of pleasure in finding out about
anything by oneself. The journey is fun and educative when exploration is
done by oneself. If there is a problem, then advice will be taken. And
then there are highly individualistic persons, those who don’t like to ‘depend’
on others. They believe they might turn into a dependent personality.
Maybe there are Y’s who will enjoy this situation. But a majority of them
(the one I know, for sure falls in this category) do not.
X’s rush to
do things for Y’s. If turned down, they can’t fathom why?, they are confused.
“Why are you angry? I did that only because I damn care for you” …This is the
constant buzzword one will hear from X. X does not realize there is joy in
struggle, at least to those people who are independent in nature. There
will be constant friction in the relationship.
All the Y’s
out there, X’s are harmless creatures. It’s pretty difficult for them to give
up this nature, they would definitely put in the desired efforts to let go off
it. Even if they are willing to change, they will repeat it every now and then,
much to your chagrin. They do not exhibit this nature with everyone they care
for. It is only special people in their lives who become recipient of
this type of attention. They do not realize that this kind of love/ care/
concern will harm sometimes.
Spare a
thought…
P.S.: The X’s
and Y’s can be anyone, just try placing yourselves in one of the positions.
