Disappointment

Ever seen the face of a kid when they don't get the choc they wanted you to give it to them? Ofcourse you hadn't done it on purpose, you forgot or some situation made you think "aaj nahi toh kal leke jaunga". You wouldn't easily forget that face and deep in your heart that stays imprinted, a sort of guilt feeling and you swear to yourselves "Will never let that happen?".... Don't you.

Now imagine the same thing with your loved ones, near & dear, your best friends. You promise something to them, plan to make it happen, almost get the thing done when you had to back off. Be it planning a vacation, a visit to a pub, a sumptuous lunch or as simple as a plate of Pani Puri. You thought you had everything under control, you didn't even dream that something could go wrong and that's when something goes wrong- Leaves not approved, You damn forgot dress code for disco, lunch just isn't happening bcoz of bullshit reasons and it rainssss. The look that gets etched on the face of your loved one, if that had been anger or frustration or disapproval or sadness or annoyance or rage or contempt one would get over it after sometime, seriously you can get over any of these reactions. But if that look is of utter "Disappointment", I tell you, you will take a long time to get over it.

The thing that keeps eating you with display of such an emotion is the feeling of having let someone down... someone who wants/ wanted to have accomplished the wish with you or have you fulfill that wish. That feeling, when it comes from a person who trusts you the most, believes that you could do anything and everything for them, and then you fail them, it’s just jusstt... I’m unable to find the words that suit the context or which could define that 'frame of mind'. Such state of mind keeps you awake all night... that expression keeps swimming even in your thoughts... makes you restless too.

That's when you need to be determined.. say it to yourselves and do everything you can to ensure these things don't repeat! After all what harm can little more efforts do to you if the rewards of a warm, bright and happy smile from your loved ones weight more.... And, you find "Satisfaction" written all over their smiles! ... To top it all your deepest apologies for goof up could be a good starting point... ofcourse if they are accepted!! 

David Vs Goliath

This was a lesson we learnt when we were kids, getting all excited and worked up about how a small guy takes on a big dude and slams him!! Isn't it the kind of thing every body dreams off? Getting on to a big stage... taking on a big challenge/ guy ... beating the odds... emerging the champ... taking the center stage n hogging the limelight... ohh yeah play a "hero" too if situation permits!! Everyone out there would have had a fantasy of say -- batting out an over to hit the winning run, saving a damsel in distress, waltzing across a dance floor with your 'crush' in your arms, flooring a lady you admire from a distance, being the center of attraction, and racing away on a bike/ car amongst few others.

It was a decently cold winter day and, yours sincerely here was riding on his bike on the way to office when an irritating honking noise caught his ears. A black Santro i20 was trying to cut its way through the decently heavy traffic and its driver was oblivious of the fact that even if he did HONKED the hardest anyone could on the planet, the traffic ahead of him wouldn't just jump sideways to let him through, kept up his game to the frustration of his fellow on-roaders. In no time the Santro was right behind me honking its guts out. I had nowhere to run what with a bus ahead of me, the divider to my right, traffic to my left and with the @$$#0!3 right behind me. With great difficulty I squeezed myself out of the position ahead of him and let him through. He zoomed away magically with the bus still ahead of him, I was left a bit perplexed.

With the traffic being a bit heavy, I spotted him & overtook him within 5mins, only to find the bugger "honking" madly within no time. This process got repeated 2 more times before it reached the crescendo. At Raidurgam junction, as the lights went green I was driving close to the divider trying to overtake a car ahead when this ass was right behind me yet again, darn that duffer. I try to give way to him and allow him to overtake from my right when he purposefully slams into my bike handle and cuts across almost tripping my bike. I got riled like hell and raced to catch him. I pull my bike ahead of his car making him to screech to a halt.

My dear friends the fun starts NOW!! I hope you remember the first para that talks about fantasising, that's what yours sincerely was trying to do. I wanted to grill that bugger and attain the (if the word exists) Hero feeling! I stop in front of the car, lift the visor and start throwing abuses at him. And, that’s when the driver steps out. And OFF goes my speech, my throat dried up and a gentle shiver travels through my spine. The respectful driver turns out to be a giant, may be 6'2" around 120Kilos and to drive me nuts was pitch black!! By the time I could take a deep breath, the David in me scampered all the way to Israel I guess!! The towering personality starts moving threateningly towards me and I am rooted at the same spot, out of stubborn guts?? Naaah, rather because of the fright and I lose the sense of mobility. Crazily I start admiring his act of throwing abuses as it seemed to be much effective than my nimble efforts.

He’s within one arm distance and his dhai kilo ka haath could have slayed me like a fly with a swipe, but I don’t bulge at this moment due the courage I was able to find in the farthest & deepest corner of my heart I had never ever visited (David starts his visa process in Israel). I gather my guts and start abusing him…meekly instead. You see having to scream with your helmet on and talk to someone who seems to be talking to you from second floor is quite difficult. This confrontation causes a small jam right next to a traffic cop’s stand, who seemed to think the time is ripe to step in after 5mins. Seeing the cop come the David in me catches the imaginary Concord and arrives in time. We both blurt out our version of the story. In between, just before the cop came this guys just pushed me back and I thought I would fly over my bike landing on the other side with a thud. Thankfully there were no such special effects and I am safe.

As we pour our complaints the traffic constable steps back a bit, notices the car number and becomes a bit wide eyed. I feared that this car might belong to some VIP and here I am about to get screwed. But the cop turns towards the driver and says- “You were the one who has been honking madly, driving rashly, bumping into cars and coming via City Center, Banjara Hills, FilmNagar route, right?” The driver dials down a lot from his aggressive stance and says yes. The cop turns towards me and says “వీడిని నాకు వదిలేయ్, అన్నగారు నాలుగు సిగ్నల్స్ బ్రేక్ చేసేడు, రెండు కార్లని గుద్దేడు అందులో ఒకటి మా CIకార్ అన్త... నేను చుసుకుంట వీడిని, నువ్వు లాగించు”

Feeling a bit victorious, off having escaped without getting hit I clambered onto my bike and was about to whizz off, when the cop said – “Nee size chusukuni godava padara abbayi”. I wanted to tell him about the David Vs Goliath story, but felt it would be unwise to teach anything to someone who just saved my neck. Bhaad mein gaya David mein toh chala office!!

The awesome experience!!

It has been what... say close to 25yrs since I last visited Tirupati !! Trust me guys somehow I never managed to go to meet Mr.Venky since I went there when my tammi was a year old or little more. On the other hand my little bro did manage to pay him regular visits if I am not wrong around 4 in the last 4 years or less. So, when I finally got the chance to visit my childhood god's location, I was a bit excited, thrilled and few other superlatives that describe the Goosebumps raising scenarios. Little did I realise that Mr.Venky might be "teensy weensy bit" mad at me.

Owing to the amazing planning which happened at the last moment had to travel by bus, and b'coz it was late night called a known auto driver for dropping us there (10:15AM). The misfortune (if I could call it so, starts RIGHT here!) struck us, the auto came late (10:35PM) and as we thought we might miss the bus we were dropped at the designated place (10:45PM). Venky's on my side, phew!!  The bus started 'ON TIME' (yayyy!!) but just 2.5hrs into the journey (1:30AM) the bus broke down due to some oil leakage, didn't even reach Kurnool. The alternate bus arrived but not before, would you believe it 5AM in the morning!! grrrrrrrr.... They assure a 10AM Tirupati drop which turns to 11AM!! Luckily, our Darshan time was 1PM. Venky’s still (?) on my side, phew!! (I am just a little bit circumspect)... 

P.S. - We had nothing since our dinner last night at 8PM--- 15hrs onnnnn

We hire a cab to Tirumala, a 30min drive becomes 1hr 15mins journey (12:15PM) owing to the heavy security measures. We wait for our designated help to show us our cottage but he miraculously turns up an hour late (1:15PM)...but turns up he does. Successfully get our lodging formalities completed (2:30PM) and start our search for the location of the building and I get reminded of Hyderabad, where everyone says "seedhe jaao" when sought for directions. Eventually land up at our cottage at 3PM ... and yeah in between our buswala calls up to kindly inform that our return trip ticks have been cancelled with full refund (as if it was gud news).. Now I'm worried about my stay for night n travel too... I call up my friend and ask him to make booking for the next day.... Venkyyyy?? Venkyyy?? On my side, aren't you? ... 

P.S. - 19hrs and counting, since we had anything at all :(

By 3:30PM we freshen up and rush to the temple, don't remember how we both landed there as neither of us had been to the temple off late. We find our way to the Vaikuntham Complex (Supatham) and stand in the 'Q' by 4:15PM. Little did we realise that all the Q's were being merged (300/-, 100/-, 20/- etc etc) and the pace is set on auto mode to 'Snail pace'. Close to 5:30PM we were about to enter the main temple, when an a$$#0!e in the form of one Mr.Jagan makes his grand entry with his complete entourage and stops all the devotee lines and yeah makes a spectacular show of turning up right at the main entrance with his bloody footwear ON!!! Few devotees throw in choicest of abuses in spite of being in the temple and still Jagan doesn't bother. So, we get stopped for 2hrs I guess and then finally complete our 10sec bhagwan darshan by 7:50PM. We fight our way out along with the prasad and miraculously land out by 8:15PM wowww..... Venkyy??? Venkyyy??? You there???... 

P.S. - 24hrs and counting without having had anything in our tummies :(

Now this gets interesting here, I can't find my chappal!! Ididgo vinnaraa... I lose my footwear and now have to walk bare feet on an empty stomach... Venkyy why soo kopam!! Vunnavaa, assalu vunnavaa!!

We quickly cross the temple street and gulp down on food available finally at 8:45PM and then get dropped at our cottage. Can't remember when we crashed on the bed and when we dozed off, I woke up the next day at 10AM!! As, we check out the next day the sun beating hard and the asphalt being hard Mr.Venky makes me walk bear feet hopping all over finding for shade. We take the bus to Tirupati, hop around searching for an auto and make my way over the steaming hot asphalt to buy a pair of chappal to ensure another bubblegum doesn't get stuck to my feet! .... Bhagwaan Mr.Venky kaiko itna ghussa jii :( :(

We spend rest of the noon until the time to catch our return bus at a nearest hotel and finally return to Hyderabad!! Never realised the warmth of home until I opened the doors to my place in the morning!! ... but couldn't అర్ధం కాలేదు దేవుడికి అంట కోపం ఎందుకు వుందో నా పైన!! క్షమించు వెంకన్న క్షమించి, ఎమన్నా తప్పులు వుంటే మన్నించు !! 

 ఏడుకొండల వాడా వెంకటరమణ గోవిందా గోవింద !!

That 'One' Person!

There are times when you desperately need 'that' 'one' person to be around.... to share with them the happy news, some psst psst info actually gossip around if you are a girl (no offence meant :P), discuss something needy/ imp or more so often to have a listening ear for something that's bothering you or putting you down. A simple routine which is being followed since a long time can still pull out a surprising scenario that puts one in a tight corner and actually manage to irritate one (leads to despair), actually swing your mood to extremities of negativity!

The one name or face of the person that flashes across your mind when you are need of such a comfort or solace is the one whom you truly trust and blindly believe to possess a 'magic wand' to pull out of that despair is - Your Best Friend! We meet so many people in our life, call so many as our friends but as they say "Cometh the hour, Cometh the man"; when you face a situation (be it any) the first person whom you want to reach out to would always be "that person". In this age of smartphone take the scenario - You get a funny msg or want to speak to someone, and the first person to whom you send it or wish to, says all about what 'that' person means to you. Just sit back and think of all the states whether you are happy, sad, anxious, excited or whatever be the emotion and now think, who was that person to whom you tried to reach out first? ..... That my friend is your Best friend!!

Ever happened to you that you are feeling well and handsomely knocked down by situation. You look around for that familiar face pull them out and start being your natural self with them. You don't even have to try hard to spill your despair/ speak at all. Your silence is understood. There is wave of warmth that flows through you, you wouldn't even realize when the grim on your face turned upside down into a smile. You feel a rush of cheerfulness spreading across you mind by doing absolutely 'nothing' but the usual. Slowly you start talking unabashedly and your acts of unashmedness (does such a word exist?, doesn't matter if the message is conveyed ;)) return to your usual self, like you have knocked off a bottle of whisky (or simply "కళ్ళు తాగిన  కొతి ").

People around you would quickly notice the sudden change in your behaviour and alarmed by this mood swing might question, "What did you have for lunch?".... And you might reply "Sambar Rice" JJJ... smirking to yourself!!!

Thank god for giving you such friends and thank them for putting up with you all along and being such a source of strength to you.

THANK YOU MY DEAREST FRIENDUUUU ! Thank god I have known you!! J!

CRASH COURSE: The Art Of Speaking!!!

 “It takes 2years to learn to speak, but it takes a lifetime to learn what not to speak”. Speaking so to speak is an art in itself. A very few of the lot is blessed with this facet and often they are referred to as ‘Quick-witted’ or ‘Articulated’ or ‘Thoughtful’ and few other words of which I might not be aware of. In some cases those who don’t know what to speak and keep mum are type-casted into “The Thoughtful” category. We should be able to identify them quickly, so that we need not wait an eternity for their ‘pearls of wisdom’. For those lacking this glib of ‘thoughtful speaking’, we ought to seek the expertise of the Zen masters!!

Yours faithfully (that would be me) here has had some opportunity to seek the expert guidance or speaking in layman terms learnt it the hard way from ahem ahem, and it was pretty effective, it shook the very basic foundation which I was following religiouly. So, speaking of speaking, yours faithfully learnt that how to speak and what to speak do matter a lot, ofcourse it includes the choice of words too!!

It had been deciphered from ‘THE’ learning that the audience could be classified broadly into- People-who-matter and People-who-don’t-matter. For those who don’t matter we can fire on all cylinders, meaning you could shoot what’s on the tip of your tongue without thinking. In the stream of people-who-matter that can be further classified into Professional (incl. education) & Personal (Family & Friends), it’s a sticky issue. In the earlier case one false ‘sentence’ might jeopardise your career while in the later, your personal bond is affected.

So, yours truly (psst..got promoted from faithfully after the learning) who got rapped royally has formulated ‘A’ procedure to ensure that People-Who-Matter are addressed properly or so to speak spoken to correctly.

For those with serious outlook:

P.S: All the info has been furnished after obtaining all the necessary clearances from the ‘concerned’ authorities. :)

BTW all that has been said need not be completely applicable to a few, many or all cases...in which case the failed outcome of implementing the said process rests purely with the 'user' and rest assured the author has had a good laugh imagining it!!!

Why move away from home?

Just happened to read abt a friend of mine admit crying (not literally), as to why we need to separate/ move away from our parents once we reach an age, actually he came to India for his yearly vacation and was returning. My guess work on what all could be the reasons ended pretty soon, but admittedly couldn't think beyond these- studies, career, marriage and worst of all not getting along with your parents; which in any case would rule out 'us' crying over moving away from them.

Taking the case of studies, it has been the same since ages. From the age old 'gurukulas' to modern age universities, students had to and have to move there to obtain the higher education. Few of the lucky lot have the desired centre for learning at their native but for the majority it requires moving away from the comforts of their homes. What does it offer to us?? Well, new learning & experiences, introduces us to the life around, gives us a sense of being independent and moulds a bit of our personality if it didn't take shape yet and ofcourse new friends! If one chooses to pursue courses available in their hometown they wouldn't need to move away. But they differ and choose their aspirations.

Now about careers; with the ever increasing competition, the job availability has become scarce forcing 'us' to look for opportunities, not to mention the unbalanced economies which restricted the growth to a few cities and towns. And thus in many cases they existed in places not so close to home. So, we find a reason to move away. What does it offer to us?? With the earning power vested with you, you get a chance to live life your way (not that u can't, staying with ur parents), test the boundaries of acceptable lifestyle, mould your future and explore new avenues. If one had chosen to pursue a career in the industries/ fields available in their hometown they wouldn't need to move away. And again, those who differ choose their aspirations.

Finally the most deciding factor of all -- marriage. This usually doesn't affect guys as much as it turns the whole world on its head for girls. Guys do not and are not necessarily needed to worry too much about shifting base, "JUST" because of the age old tradition of ladies having to follow in the footsteps of their pati dev. On the flipside, gals are expected to leave behind everything they have yearned for the whole lifetime 'chutki mein'. What does it offer to us?? The prospect (or suspect) of finding your life partner, defining your life from then on, making your own family and if I can put it so (challenge of) creating a perfect life for someone else. It’s here that people have not many options unless they are quite lucky or have the strength to take a firm decision to wait for the perfect one as a dear friend of mine is doing.

From my perspective, whatever may be the reason in the end it’s the individuals’ aspiration and choices are the one’s that decide their course in life. If you have any Q’s---------- feel free to keep them to yourselves, I will not be able to answer any, in any case.

School Days - I

On my way to the office happened to cross a small ground where kids were playing, I was a bit taken aback 'coz it wasn't even half past 8 in the morning and they were already in the ground, if we can call it so b’coz it was just a basketball court. That reminded me of my school days, where we used to wait eagerly for our PT period--- a 40min window for playing in the ground...during THE school hours!!

The earliest of school times which I can recollect are I guess when I was in 2nd or 3rd class may be, they were the days of 'BIG FUN'....I remember begging, pleading n crying for ...wud you believe me, a 50 paise to buy one...all for the CRICKETING HERO within the pack! There was this shop within our colony near the school; fondly called as '4th line shop' it was THE buzzing place for all of us. It had stock of all the goodies which any kid would crave for the chocs every variety, chewing gums, Gooseberry, Guava, Stickers (He-Man, Spiderman, WWF..), biscuits and the necessary stuff like pencils, sharpeners, Pens, MAPS, Plain paper sheets... u name it they had it. All that one needed to do to reach this shop was..... just squeeze through the bars on the fence and there u were!!

And then there were promotional events for products aimed at schools, like- stretching the AASA choc wrapper to the maximum length possible, I don't remember HOW MANY of these I bought but I remember stretching one to 33cms only to be beaten hands down by my classmate Kumar who stretched it to I think 44cms :). AASA guys promised something...I don't think they gave what they promised. Ohh yeah there was also the competition of--- return 10 Maggie masala covers and get 2 packs or something free. I remember us kids scrounging through thrash everywhere just to find a few covers...:D.

Our daily routine begun with assembly which had a prayer, pledge, some other activity like news, a short note on great personalities and rounded it off with the National Anthem. Just can't express the pride in singing the Anthem. Everyone of us were encouraged to present one activity in the assembly daily, kids were elected by teachers randomly and the whole purpose being to remove the fear of public speaking and gaining a little bit of knowledge on what's happening. Ofcourse there were a few naughty guys who skipped the assembly ... to finish off homework of the FIRST PERIOD!!

I remember my first ever class teacher who I am sure was the favourite of the whole school, she taught us Social and Hindi when she wasn't teaching girls to be strong ---She was our NCC ma'am too. Another Ma'am who happened to be our Class teacher for 3years in middle school taught us science and later Biology too, she was my favourite. She taught science in such a way that I just didn't forget ANYTHING she told even today. Our whole class worried during assignments time, we don't our HW properly or don't write assignment in time --- She just took our PT period as punishment!! Then there's my Hindi teacher for seven straight years, she was very friendly until we screw up annnnnnd THUDDDD!! We all loved our Hindi periods 'coz we had to go to another room owing to the majority of class taking telugu as second language and us the minority had to move out in a single file.

Don't know why but I always loved the subject of English at school, maybe the simple pleasure of reading stories was the driving factors. We had very good teachers there too, our principal used to take this subject once in a while and damn he was good...naah the best at it. He loved to teach prose the best being "I wandered Lonely as a Cloud" by William Wordsworth. We used to have these nice activities of Elocutions to hone our command over the language and MY CLASS had great orators at that-- Sasank (kept it so short n simple but darn he had amazing command and conveyed the message superbly), Anil Pappu (He was awesome, his script was the best and he was so animated that he could convey the meaning of every word literally through his actions), Sri Sri (His script had examples which conveyed the message), Krishnamohan Menon (loved his accent).

Hisstory...as the mis-spelt name suggests is a story and ought to be taught as such. We had great teachers who read us through - start of civilisation- Harappa & Mohenjadaro, Mesapatomian, the Incas, Mayans, the great Indian dynasties of Mauryas, Guptas, Chalukyas, Cholas, Marathas, Vijaynagar, Mughals, The rise of East Indian company, Battle of Mysore/Paniput and then the Independence struggle, the civil disobedience movements, the 2 world wars, the treaty of Versailles, the axis powers etc etc. Everything was etched in our minds because they taught us so and not because we read through them.

Maths was, for some reason an unknown devil for me. We had good teachers for that too, but I somehow was #@!& scared of that.... it was one subject that always pulled my grades down. And, here too there were a few guys in my class whom I wanted to emulate Vishnu and Kumar....damn they were just Genius at this subject. They ripped apart any problem thrown at them in moments.

All our teachers commanded a respect which everyone of us obliged by free will and not because they imposed upon us.

There’s much more than just this study part..... I will leave the rest of it for the next part. Hope to write that soon.