Suffocating.......

This isn’t the exact breath choking experience one undergoes when the throat is being squeezed but something similar that which is lot more uncomfortable. This happens ‘coz of being over-burdened with or over indulgence of excessive love, care and concern.

Ever felt the constraint that is forced upon oneself by the care/ attention bestowed upon you by your parents/ friends/ well-wishers? Ever felt the desire to break free of the shackles you are bound to, due to your inability to do something “BY” yourselves, just because someone else in their anxiousness or over-excitement did that for you?

Well… that’s precisely what I am gonna be talking about. I will talk about how people manage to make the other person feel ultimately pissed off and miffed at, even though the reason behind the display of such a behaviour is due to care (misconstrued as overwhelming care), plain & simple love (mistaken for excessive display of love) and genuine concern (perfectly misinterpreted as obsession or possessiveness) .  If I miss anything here, pls feel free to keep it to yourselves :P….

Let’s take some scenarios which “some” people (say X) feel is a display of their willingness & pride in accomplishing something for the person (say Y) they care most for---

Y needs to buy something and wish that they know a bit more about it, and X here goes full steam ahead. X deems it to be their ‘mission’ and prepares a sort off project manual listing the specs of the item asked, the alternatives, the reviews, the best prices, where to get it, how etc etc…. Though this is information overload X feels that Y needs to have the best of inputs necessary and suggests the best one. Y here feels that the efforts of X need to be appreciated (forced) and goes ahead.

Y needs to travel to a destination all by themselves, X will make sure they knows their destination well, how to get there and back, tell Y what should be avoided, call every day and asks to be kept posted, etc. X desires to ensure that Y doesn’t face any problem.

And once the above travel happens and if that happens to be a long duration, X wishes to learn that Y is doing alright. For them, their health & well-being is of prime importance… and during the process of being kept updated enquires about the same, the food, the stay etc. And ohh yeah, the latest advent of social network doesn't help the case, Y is bugged on WhatsApp, Viber, Skype, Facebook, Line etc etc until the desired information is provided... and if delayed "hey you were online naaa... couldn't u have just said something".... 

I am sure the above scenarios are applicable to quite a few of us guys/ gals. So, why this should be likened to ‘suffocating’? The main negative aspect of this kind of love/ care/ concern/ attention is X does not allow Y to find their feet or least leave space/ time for themselves.

X does not want Y to unravel things for themselves, simply because they does not want them to get disappointed/ hurt.  So ultimately, X is killing all initiative Y wants or wishes to take. There is a lot of pleasure in finding out about anything by oneself.  The journey is fun and educative when exploration is done by oneself.  If there is a problem, then advice will be taken. And then there are highly individualistic persons, those who don’t like to ‘depend’ on others. They believe they might turn into a dependent personality.  Maybe there are Y’s who will enjoy this situation.  But a majority of them (the one I know, for sure falls in this category) do not.

X’s rush to do things for Y’s. If turned down, they can’t fathom why?, they are confused. “Why are you angry? I did that only because I damn care for you” …This is the constant buzzword one will hear from X. X does not realize there is joy in struggle,  at least to those people who are independent in nature.  There will be constant friction in the relationship.

All the Y’s out there, X’s are harmless creatures. It’s pretty difficult for them to give up this nature, they would definitely put in the desired efforts to let go off it. Even if they are willing to change, they will repeat it every now and then, much to your chagrin. They do not exhibit this nature with everyone they care for.  It is only special people in their lives who become recipient of this type of attention.  They do not realize that this kind of love/ care/ concern will harm sometimes. 

Spare a thought…

P.S.: The X’s and Y’s can be anyone, just try placing yourselves in one of the positions.

Disappointment

Ever seen the face of a kid when they don't get the choc they wanted you to give it to them? Ofcourse you hadn't done it on purpose, you forgot or some situation made you think "aaj nahi toh kal leke jaunga". You wouldn't easily forget that face and deep in your heart that stays imprinted, a sort of guilt feeling and you swear to yourselves "Will never let that happen?".... Don't you.

Now imagine the same thing with your loved ones, near & dear, your best friends. You promise something to them, plan to make it happen, almost get the thing done when you had to back off. Be it planning a vacation, a visit to a pub, a sumptuous lunch or as simple as a plate of Pani Puri. You thought you had everything under control, you didn't even dream that something could go wrong and that's when something goes wrong- Leaves not approved, You damn forgot dress code for disco, lunch just isn't happening bcoz of bullshit reasons and it rainssss. The look that gets etched on the face of your loved one, if that had been anger or frustration or disapproval or sadness or annoyance or rage or contempt one would get over it after sometime, seriously you can get over any of these reactions. But if that look is of utter "Disappointment", I tell you, you will take a long time to get over it.

The thing that keeps eating you with display of such an emotion is the feeling of having let someone down... someone who wants/ wanted to have accomplished the wish with you or have you fulfill that wish. That feeling, when it comes from a person who trusts you the most, believes that you could do anything and everything for them, and then you fail them, it’s just jusstt... I’m unable to find the words that suit the context or which could define that 'frame of mind'. Such state of mind keeps you awake all night... that expression keeps swimming even in your thoughts... makes you restless too.

That's when you need to be determined.. say it to yourselves and do everything you can to ensure these things don't repeat! After all what harm can little more efforts do to you if the rewards of a warm, bright and happy smile from your loved ones weight more.... And, you find "Satisfaction" written all over their smiles! ... To top it all your deepest apologies for goof up could be a good starting point... ofcourse if they are accepted!! 

That 'One' Person!

There are times when you desperately need 'that' 'one' person to be around.... to share with them the happy news, some psst psst info actually gossip around if you are a girl (no offence meant :P), discuss something needy/ imp or more so often to have a listening ear for something that's bothering you or putting you down. A simple routine which is being followed since a long time can still pull out a surprising scenario that puts one in a tight corner and actually manage to irritate one (leads to despair), actually swing your mood to extremities of negativity!

The one name or face of the person that flashes across your mind when you are need of such a comfort or solace is the one whom you truly trust and blindly believe to possess a 'magic wand' to pull out of that despair is - Your Best Friend! We meet so many people in our life, call so many as our friends but as they say "Cometh the hour, Cometh the man"; when you face a situation (be it any) the first person whom you want to reach out to would always be "that person". In this age of smartphone take the scenario - You get a funny msg or want to speak to someone, and the first person to whom you send it or wish to, says all about what 'that' person means to you. Just sit back and think of all the states whether you are happy, sad, anxious, excited or whatever be the emotion and now think, who was that person to whom you tried to reach out first? ..... That my friend is your Best friend!!

Ever happened to you that you are feeling well and handsomely knocked down by situation. You look around for that familiar face pull them out and start being your natural self with them. You don't even have to try hard to spill your despair/ speak at all. Your silence is understood. There is wave of warmth that flows through you, you wouldn't even realize when the grim on your face turned upside down into a smile. You feel a rush of cheerfulness spreading across you mind by doing absolutely 'nothing' but the usual. Slowly you start talking unabashedly and your acts of unashmedness (does such a word exist?, doesn't matter if the message is conveyed ;)) return to your usual self, like you have knocked off a bottle of whisky (or simply "కళ్ళు తాగిన  కొతి ").

People around you would quickly notice the sudden change in your behaviour and alarmed by this mood swing might question, "What did you have for lunch?".... And you might reply "Sambar Rice" JJJ... smirking to yourself!!!

Thank god for giving you such friends and thank them for putting up with you all along and being such a source of strength to you.

THANK YOU MY DEAREST FRIENDUUUU ! Thank god I have known you!! J!

My journey

The day had come…. My armory was fully geared & packed …I was prepared to hop on to opportunity to test my survival skills … well I wasn’t going to a battle but was travelling to a new place…a new country for the first time :) …. The day was a Saturday but I had my flight not until the early hours of Sunday ….

This would be the regular first up story of thousands n thousands of students, professionals, commoners n others who travel abroad to pursue their dreams/ objectives and make it BIIIIIIG in their life or joining with their loved ones as in the case of a FEW people….well then add my piece of feelings and u have a small portion of that biiig pie……….

I was the entire bit excited not for the fact that I was going abroad but for the way in which I could mould my career with this opportunity….. as would have been the case with many, I began to DAY DREAM J… of how I was going to make things happen, how I was going to prosper n blah blah blaah ….

When I was told abt this opportunity sometime back, I was thrilled n my god soo happy that I never was earlier…I had to do a lot of shopping for my essentials and that I did with panache and soon found that I was feeling a pinch (quite a heavy one) on my wallet….but nevertheless I carried on n on n on….until that pinch became NUMB!!!!!

As th D-Day started approaching I was feeling somewhat tensed, a feeling that I would not to seeing, interacting n ofcourse missing “some people”, who meant a lot to me…. What the hell!!! I wasn’t going away for eternity but just for 3 months…3 bloody months…. Phew never realized that 3 months was such a looong period. I was terrified to even think of the possibility that I might lose someone because I wouldn’t be around for that period …….hahaha, as if it mattered even if I hung around….. :(

Was I becoming a bit too senti??? Well, I did make a few goodbye calls (Idiotic ones J)…. N then finally the D-day arrived, and off I flew to this new place here…… I wanted to be in touch with my parents n others throughout the journey so that I could update them on my travel n yeah to keep myself off being bored….. but thanks to Vodafone (those ******** never activated my international roaming) n the tiresome Dubai Airport (so long was the way to my terminal, I felt I was doing a marathon) that I simply dozed off…

By the time I woke up.. the captain was announcing some bad weather update n we were circling over … and all I could see below was a thick white blanket with black lines criss crossing (later I learnt that those lines were also called ROADS)…finally we landed n was told that the outside temp was -8 deg !!! (a week earlier it was -15 or odd)…I zoomed through immigration, baggage pick n others…. N now I had another 2 hrs ride by train to my one stop before destination….

When I stepped into the railway station that was when the true WINTER here hit me…. it hit me so hard I became numb, I was covered in multiple layers of clothing and still the CHILL found a way to my bones… L…. The final nail into the coffin (my sorry state) was driven when the train came n it was jam packed….I found one compartment into which I threw my baggage n myself and stood all through the 2 hrs ride….I was soooooo very tired I wanted to hit the bed n have a nice cozy n warm sleep…..damn the cold, it was as cold as the people’s stare around me was, may be much worse than that…..

Took a cab from the one stop before my final destination and reached MY DESTINATION…. A nice hotel where the room heater took an eternity to heat up the room, wherein the showers temp control was broken n I had either the HOTTEST water or coldest water!!!!

I took a small nap n by the time I woke up (I slept for 4 hrs..Very little time!!), I was again feeling sleepy, internal body clock ka kabada ban gaya tha…..so dozed off again for a long time……..So that brings to an end of my ordeal (I’ll try better, if I wasn’t able to depict properly the trouble I took)…. TO be frank it shouldn’t be an ordeal, as it was just a 12 hrs flight, the same as the BUS/ TRAIN journey from Hyd-Vizag…. N I never felt the strain for the bus ride, does it mean I am saying that a Bus ride is better than a flight!!! May be I am…May be I am not!!!! J