Fleeting thougths

Despite of all the avenues, social media available 2 years 5 months and 21 days have passed since you guys saw each other or even spoke...

Coincidentally, your paths cross now... gazes meet, and you hear "Hey"! , just that after all this time.... there is an under current of emotions swirling in your thoughts, to ask- why you were pushed away....why this treatment was meted out to you... why this.. why that... but all that you could mouth as a response was-"Hey, how are you doing? How you have been holding up? Trust everything's great with you!" …. just this, even the mere idea of slapping them across their face to vent your feelings gets thrown out too

You start conversing, and you begin to absorb that affectionate voice reverberating in your mind... the one you have been longing to hear all this while and you have the bonus of having them sit right across... you start soaking up every minute detail of this occurrence for you are unsure of it recurrence...

You shake hands and you feel that warmth of their hands and reminisce the times you guys had fun together, did things together, look for that sparkle of mischief in the eyes when about to do naughty stuff... a gush of warmth envelopes you and you feel lighter- for a burden has been removed... you begin to wish for this scenario to play in unhindered loop, and remain unchanged forever but the very next moment your trust in your fate to play things smooth and hand u happiness in abundance isn't pretty cordial...

You pinch yourself to assure it's real....and it is 2 years 5 months 22 days... alas it was just a dream... ever so good for the period it lasted... but now you have that longing voice filled in your mind to your hearts' content... that should last you for some time! 

Happy Friendship day, "Dear Friend!"

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Why do we fight?

While I try to while away time sometimes I take a run down the memory lane to good old times... times long ago to label myself as innocent, which I presume I still am J J!! During the middle school, as is the case with everyone we have some people who are close to us and we tend to be pretty possessive over them. "He/ She is my friend!! My friend alone! You go pick someone else"...  "No you are NOT part of our gang, you can't play with us"...

Do you recollect such time when we had our own small gangs, if anyone wanted to be friends with those in YOUR gang, the rest would/ you would staunchly oppose? All this usually didn't carry an impact strong enough to ruin anyone... as you would label it now in simple terms as "being kiddish". Any difference between guys would be sorted through a tough measure of dialogue involving "Dude, you tell me, you are my friend or his?"....It was all peaceful, issues sorted through dialogue, rarely did fists fly. Try remembering such instances and a smile would definitely flash across your face on such memories. You were until then unspoilt by the evils/ paradigms of the society.

Now take a step forward... a few years ahead... You still have groups/ gangs of... Let’s say people (friends may be too generic). But, only this time around those groups are defined NOT by the simple facet of who is close to you, rather it’s the parameter that defines WHO, THAT person is. Yes, these groups are defined by the affiliations of race, colour, religion, caste, creed, region etc. Time has been swept off and you have grown having strong identity or affiliation to these attributes. You have unknowingly built strong bonds with these. You recognize yourselves with these and inherently built a strong loyalty/ passion. And, when these attributes are challenged your reactions are way different that when you were a kid. You will have physical violence and aggression answering the challenge, not dialogue instead.

This is what is the difference, as we grow we are supposed to be more mature, take a wider & sensible view of the situation. But, in actual as we grow our vision is narrowed as well as blurred by the bias towards the above mentioned virtues. When our bond with virtues becomes stronger beyond a point, we defend it more vociferously and in that moment when the emotions spill over, violence takes command.

This is where we are in the current world scenario. People identify and relate themselves with WHAT they believe defines them and that is NOT good.

Instead we should try painting all ourselves with the same brush of mankind (can't find the relevant quote by a famous person)... recognize the other individual as a human replete of all the tags of religion, region, race etc., believe that we just co-exist in this world with rather virtually bordered/ separated places... maybe this will allow us to desist from spewing venom a.k.a violence, brandishing a shield against all this rather than presenting it as the sword.

WHY DO WE RUN? WHY DO WE SPEED AWAY?

Every time you are in gym, your coach would be right beside you instructing you on- how to pace your cardio, how to lift the weights, and how synchronized the limb movements need to be for other exercise variants. One can observe for themselves when asked to do weights in a set of say 10-20, we try to rush through the set, in the belief that the faster we do better the chances we could complete it properly. The same applies to cardio (try to run fast to complete the distance) and exercise (do squats/ push-ups/ burpees faster). Your coach then gives you the sweet news, asks you to do say 75% of the set at one pace and rest at the slowest pace.

Once we try this, we realize how hard it is to actually finish the set. The amount of strain exerted on your muscles and more importantly your psyche is enormous. You would want to stop. You feel you can push no more. The pain is too much to bear. But, you learn later on that this percentage of effort is what that would shape you up, strengthen muscles and in fact built endurance. You can do with comfort more repetitions of the activity, run longer distances and difficult workouts too. A few weeks/ months of practice and you can see the results. You would need no further coaxing. You will strive to push harder to achieve next level. And, all along would admire the way your body's responding and THAT reflects in your beliefs too... in fewest of few cases.

Now, let’s change the scenario slightly, replace gym with life and workout regime with challenges or troubles or difficulties. For all practical purposes, we replicate our actions from gym in our life too. When confronted with a difficulty/ problem, we strive to rush through for a quick solution and in the absence of not achieving the desired result sulk out or give up. We try a few options, a few times (sometimes only once or twice) and then declare to ourselves that this is a pathetic situation with no feasible solution. That is often the dangerous phase of addressing the problem- post giving up.

Your mind would be addled quite a bit, thoughts running around in your mind as to why it couldn't be handled by you and sometimes the emotions become precariously placed- to tip over anytime. The problem could be on any of your fronts- office, home, friends or any kind of relationships too. It is basic human nature to ponder over unsolved problems and if they are related to you the mind is in a high drive mode. The inability to solve the challenge amicably could lead to display of a range of emotions all directed towards oneself- anger, despair, displeasure, resentment, disappointment, misery, sadness, self-pity everything! And as with the exercise bit, you would try to deal with it the wrong way. Imagine that you faced the problem at end of working hours, your next set of action is driving home but your mind is brimming with emotions. Seeking a faster solution (peace for yourself) few might consider revving up the engine and slicing through the traffic hoping that the adrenaline rush might put you at comfort.

The last bit isn’t advised as one might fail to notice the monstrous SUV’s coming headlong and sometimes smash into a vehicle injuring yourselves.

Let us take the coach's advice, just slow down the things, and learn to bear it to- better understand the situation & our ability to deal with it. Any problem thrown at us gives us an opportunity to test & hone our inherent skill of problem solving. Slowing things a bit gives us time to better focus our capability, improve our endurance level and more importantly an experience. Just like our muscle memory which adapts to the exercise routine and remembers the stress levels, our ability to keep composure in the face of challenge allows us to pull out relevant solutions and keep our mind stress free.

There’s no need to run away from troubles and screw it up, which could also be done by keeping the mind occupied to the extent that it hurts your career, personal life and infact even bodily harm. Though the emotion of sadness or despair might creep up in few cases, one needs to learn to be strong, however hard it might be.

Why move away from home?

Just happened to read abt a friend of mine admit crying (not literally), as to why we need to separate/ move away from our parents once we reach an age, actually he came to India for his yearly vacation and was returning. My guess work on what all could be the reasons ended pretty soon, but admittedly couldn't think beyond these- studies, career, marriage and worst of all not getting along with your parents; which in any case would rule out 'us' crying over moving away from them.

Taking the case of studies, it has been the same since ages. From the age old 'gurukulas' to modern age universities, students had to and have to move there to obtain the higher education. Few of the lucky lot have the desired centre for learning at their native but for the majority it requires moving away from the comforts of their homes. What does it offer to us?? Well, new learning & experiences, introduces us to the life around, gives us a sense of being independent and moulds a bit of our personality if it didn't take shape yet and ofcourse new friends! If one chooses to pursue courses available in their hometown they wouldn't need to move away. But they differ and choose their aspirations.

Now about careers; with the ever increasing competition, the job availability has become scarce forcing 'us' to look for opportunities, not to mention the unbalanced economies which restricted the growth to a few cities and towns. And thus in many cases they existed in places not so close to home. So, we find a reason to move away. What does it offer to us?? With the earning power vested with you, you get a chance to live life your way (not that u can't, staying with ur parents), test the boundaries of acceptable lifestyle, mould your future and explore new avenues. If one had chosen to pursue a career in the industries/ fields available in their hometown they wouldn't need to move away. And again, those who differ choose their aspirations.

Finally the most deciding factor of all -- marriage. This usually doesn't affect guys as much as it turns the whole world on its head for girls. Guys do not and are not necessarily needed to worry too much about shifting base, "JUST" because of the age old tradition of ladies having to follow in the footsteps of their pati dev. On the flipside, gals are expected to leave behind everything they have yearned for the whole lifetime 'chutki mein'. What does it offer to us?? The prospect (or suspect) of finding your life partner, defining your life from then on, making your own family and if I can put it so (challenge of) creating a perfect life for someone else. It’s here that people have not many options unless they are quite lucky or have the strength to take a firm decision to wait for the perfect one as a dear friend of mine is doing.

From my perspective, whatever may be the reason in the end it’s the individuals’ aspiration and choices are the one’s that decide their course in life. If you have any Q’s---------- feel free to keep them to yourselves, I will not be able to answer any, in any case.

ERRORRRRR!!!!

Being an ardent fan of sport, be it any I often follow many of them ranging from cricket, tennis, football, F1 etc, ofcourse I do sometimes watch basketball but hate it for the fact that the basket is placed way too high – I ‘will’ be needing a ladder to dunk the ball !!! … very bad game it is :)

I always saw the refree/ umpire being lambasted for any minor difference in judgement, the best example being cricket. Of late, the sport has been trying to imbibe the technology into regular useage. The umpires are under the lens every moment, they face immense pressure already from the players on field now add to that the ‘giant screens’ that display the replays over and over again in any dubious case. One mistake and the spectators, the commentators n everyone involved in the sport jump onto them, but do the IDIOTS forget that “we” have the advantage of technology- the ultra slow motion replays, the hot spots, the snickometers n even hawkeye. The umpire makes the call in real time—a split second infact.

I definitely agree that they are paid to do the job, the job to make decisions for others, the decisions that have an effect on the outcome of an event. But no one’s perfect and people do make mistakes. Just translate them into real life situations--- assume that you are entrusted to make a decision for others like a selecting a course, advicing on a career, counseling some on their life or even the simplest of tasks like picking a piece of clothing etc. How would one feel if they come back and state that their life had been screwed because you made a wrong suggestion? Someone keeps cursing u for one small piece of advice that went wrong or someone makes u know that ur choice of clothing wasn’t good!!!

We are all good at making decision for our own lives and do not crib at it, because we can’t blame anyone on how our lives pan out n neither can we pay someone to do the decision making on our behalf. But we never miss out on an opportunity to make a scapegoat out of someone just because they were kind enough to use their precious time in suggesting something to us. Lets understand the simple fact that, no matter how good we know the other person, their tastes and preferences we ‘can’not always make the perfect judgement everytime.

Next time you try to blame someone understand that they too are human and are bound to pass an advise they think is in concurrence with the situation at hand and don’t have the foresight to predict the future.

On a finishing note, I wouldn’t mind the on-field umpire making a mistake but will love to nail the @$*@#&@ like the 3^rd Umpire, who makes the mistake even after going through all the evidence aforementioned. So, all the 3^rd umpires out there, be careful I will not spare you guys!!!

What not to do when you are desperate about having a girl friend !!

This ain't exactly the piece of article one would like to write/ publish in one's blog.....no amount of reasearch going into it (does it require one!!), no fact finding made (do facts need to be proved!!)... but still, wht the heck?? It's my space & I can share whtever I want to..... So read n enjoy if u want to.... else don't even bother to comment..... n for those who knw me personally, guess if this has been written by me???

For starters....if u think I am cribbing, I ain't..... n I wouldn't want to cheat myself n say I am not desperate....either way this piece of info (I wudn't mind if u want to call it crap) per my knowledge is purely fictional n bears (hopefully) no resemblence to the apathy of anyone OUT THERE!!!!

So here we go...My target

• If you are a guy, age >=22 and still single....welcome to the club. Read this very seriously
• If you are a guy, not single then reading this is not worth your time
• If you are a girl there is nothing new here, I know most of you are omniscient

On a random day, at a random place you come across a random girl and you get an instant feeling that she is the "one" for you. In the next few mins of talk, the inevitable question comes up "Are you on Orkut?"...Now that's the beginning. You take her email ID, flick her chat ID from Orkut and start loading her inbox with messages, forwards, funny mails, quotes etc etc., . You are always online for her and the moment you comes online the question pops up on her window, "Hey hi, wass up?" You always go to places where there is a chance of seeing her. You try to run in to her and pretend that it was accidental. You wear nice dresses and try to look good on the days when there is a high probability of meeting her. After that you take her phone number and start calling her every day. For the first few days she picks up the phone, then slowly she starts giving the busy tone and the next stage is total avoidance. But, you always believe that she is interested in you or at least you don't want to accept the truth. For some of you the big day comes when you express your feelings to her and you don't even have to wait for her reply, it is generally, "I did not see you in that way, can we be just friends?". Some don't even reach that stage, they hide their feelings, but in either case one thing is common, the girl's name ends up being the password of many of their accounts for the next few months.

As soon as they realize that they have reached the "age", guys start trying to impress girls. Some try to show-off that they are smart and some have this weird belief that girls consider stupid guys as cute. Intelligence to innocence, being introvert to extrovert, being classy to messy, strong to weak ...anything and everything, every guy has own strategy. I don't know who came up with this quote "Everything is fair in love and war", he (not she) must probably have been one of them. I don't know why guys fail to understand that girls are smart enough to understand all these and why would not they? Even before they realize that they are "girls", guys start hitting on them, one after the other, day and night, not allowing them even to breathe properly.

After reading till here some of you might be in dilemma whether you are really desperate or not. It's very easy to come to a conclusion. Take a paper and answer the following questions in Yes or No

1. Whenever you see a girl walking on the road ahead of you, Do you increase your walking speed, walk past her and then turn back to see her face?
2. Do you become very conscious about what you are talking, when you are around with girls?
3. Do you try to be cool or someone else in order to impress girls?
4. Do you think staying clam or moody when in a group makes the girl think about you?
5. You ask a girl to join you for lunch or coffee; do you think a YES from other side is an indication that she is interested in you?
6. Do you keep staring at girls?
7. Are you ready to date a girl even if she is around with someone else as well?
8. Is "Girls" the main topic of all your discussions with your friends?
   If you find even a single "YES" in the paper then YOU ARE DESPERATE. Be a man, accept it.

Now the real question "What not to do when you are desperate about having a girl friend?"Did you actually believe that I would come up with some solution or tips? Had I known it, would I be still single? It was just a trick to make you guys read this one. But, I have one tip though, first and foremost STOP being desperate. I know that it is difficult. At least try not to show that you are desperate. The rule is simple, "No one in this world cares for a thing that is easily gettable" and FYI girls are never worried about finding a guy and why do they have to? Did you ever come across a girl who never had a BF or never been proposed by a guy? If yes, then that's a miracle, you met a rare species or an extinct one in this world.

If you got the tip that you wanted and don't want to read any further it's fine. But, I would recommend reading further. Trust me, keep reading.

We know that we are the ones who make the girls realize that they are important, treat them as if they are precious, tell them that they are beautiful and show that they are in demand. We buy them gifts, spend all the money we have, do their work, roam around with them all the time, carry their stuff and in the end what do we get in return? a few thanks and an offer to be a good friend. Do we need all this? If 1/1000 th of the time wasted on a girl is spent on a guy you will find a friend for a lifetime. Just play some game together or watch a movie, have a night out, having a hangover throughout the next day is more fun than spending the same night with your girl in a pub buying her drinks, talking crap, listening crap, making some crap moves..... What ever.

I know that at some point of time in your life you might have realized all this. But, there is a need to educate the rest and also pass on the message to the future generations. I dream of a day when guys are in demand and girls start worrying about finding a guy. I hope the day comes soon.

If you are still desperate, you need a second read.

P.S.: To the girls: If you think that some guy is crazy about you and trying hard to impress you, please tell him immediately if you are not interested