Fleeting thougths

Despite of all the avenues, social media available 2 years 5 months and 21 days have passed since you guys saw each other or even spoke...

Coincidentally, your paths cross now... gazes meet, and you hear "Hey"! , just that after all this time.... there is an under current of emotions swirling in your thoughts, to ask- why you were pushed away....why this treatment was meted out to you... why this.. why that... but all that you could mouth as a response was-"Hey, how are you doing? How you have been holding up? Trust everything's great with you!" …. just this, even the mere idea of slapping them across their face to vent your feelings gets thrown out too

You start conversing, and you begin to absorb that affectionate voice reverberating in your mind... the one you have been longing to hear all this while and you have the bonus of having them sit right across... you start soaking up every minute detail of this occurrence for you are unsure of it recurrence...

You shake hands and you feel that warmth of their hands and reminisce the times you guys had fun together, did things together, look for that sparkle of mischief in the eyes when about to do naughty stuff... a gush of warmth envelopes you and you feel lighter- for a burden has been removed... you begin to wish for this scenario to play in unhindered loop, and remain unchanged forever but the very next moment your trust in your fate to play things smooth and hand u happiness in abundance isn't pretty cordial...

You pinch yourself to assure it's real....and it is 2 years 5 months 22 days... alas it was just a dream... ever so good for the period it lasted... but now you have that longing voice filled in your mind to your hearts' content... that should last you for some time! 

Happy Friendship day, "Dear Friend!"

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Why do we fight?

While I try to while away time sometimes I take a run down the memory lane to good old times... times long ago to label myself as innocent, which I presume I still am J J!! During the middle school, as is the case with everyone we have some people who are close to us and we tend to be pretty possessive over them. "He/ She is my friend!! My friend alone! You go pick someone else"...  "No you are NOT part of our gang, you can't play with us"...

Do you recollect such time when we had our own small gangs, if anyone wanted to be friends with those in YOUR gang, the rest would/ you would staunchly oppose? All this usually didn't carry an impact strong enough to ruin anyone... as you would label it now in simple terms as "being kiddish". Any difference between guys would be sorted through a tough measure of dialogue involving "Dude, you tell me, you are my friend or his?"....It was all peaceful, issues sorted through dialogue, rarely did fists fly. Try remembering such instances and a smile would definitely flash across your face on such memories. You were until then unspoilt by the evils/ paradigms of the society.

Now take a step forward... a few years ahead... You still have groups/ gangs of... Let’s say people (friends may be too generic). But, only this time around those groups are defined NOT by the simple facet of who is close to you, rather it’s the parameter that defines WHO, THAT person is. Yes, these groups are defined by the affiliations of race, colour, religion, caste, creed, region etc. Time has been swept off and you have grown having strong identity or affiliation to these attributes. You have unknowingly built strong bonds with these. You recognize yourselves with these and inherently built a strong loyalty/ passion. And, when these attributes are challenged your reactions are way different that when you were a kid. You will have physical violence and aggression answering the challenge, not dialogue instead.

This is what is the difference, as we grow we are supposed to be more mature, take a wider & sensible view of the situation. But, in actual as we grow our vision is narrowed as well as blurred by the bias towards the above mentioned virtues. When our bond with virtues becomes stronger beyond a point, we defend it more vociferously and in that moment when the emotions spill over, violence takes command.

This is where we are in the current world scenario. People identify and relate themselves with WHAT they believe defines them and that is NOT good.

Instead we should try painting all ourselves with the same brush of mankind (can't find the relevant quote by a famous person)... recognize the other individual as a human replete of all the tags of religion, region, race etc., believe that we just co-exist in this world with rather virtually bordered/ separated places... maybe this will allow us to desist from spewing venom a.k.a violence, brandishing a shield against all this rather than presenting it as the sword.

HOW THE GROUPS CAME INTO EXISTENCE?

The theory of evolution quoted by Charles Darwin- "Survival of the fittest", was meant to define the key element of adaptation necessary to the changes taking place around and molding of the characteristics of a species towards meeting basic purpose of surviving. The animal kingdom did evolve, but few species got dropped in between. The plant kingdom did evolve, but a few species got dropped. The homo sapiens did evolve, but species of animal/ plant kingdom got annihilated. You see, we were the smart asses!!

Once the neighbouring kingdoms had been vanquished/ rather taken care of, like a true emperor, Homo sapiens turned towards their own in search of that victor's morale booster.

Like any kingdom, family or group, each individual in that band was allocated a task- a responsibility to fulfill the needs of the group of individuals by efficiently accomplishing the assigned duty. Thus, one set of people were tasked with raising cattle, one set for farming, one set for hunting, one set for making the weaponry, one set to worship their deities etc. etc. and ONE, usually an elder to run the whole set up. You getting a picture? Not yet. Ok. As a generation took over, the individuals "transferred" that knowledge within their family, to their wards. Then it was their next generation that handled that "task"/ "duty". As the ages went by, newer groups were discovered... new people were tasked with handling those duties... and they in turn passed it on to their wards.

This process got carried on for generations and got repeated over and over again. The individuals became adept at these due to generations of data and that duty became their "Identity" instead. They individuals now got referred to as- Cattle Grazers, Farmers, Warriors (Kshatriyas), Iron Smith, Brahmins (priest), Traders, Scavengers..... Rulers (kings) etc. The divide among the individuals widened as economics got introduced in between. The people tasked with menial tasks earned little, thus widening the gap to the prosperous individuals of other tasks. These identities over the ages translated into what we called castes. This has been "MY" general understanding of whatever history of the civilizations I had managed to read about.

Come the Modern age, social stigma got attached to the individuals depending on the tasks they were handling. Along with the economic divide and the power clouted by the powerful sections of the society these groups (I wouldn't want to refer to them as castes) got castigated, they were denied many a basic rights. There were many reformists who fought for the up-liftment of these under privileged- some chose the discussion medium & other preferred violence.

Let’s jump to post independent days India. Right through our Civics subject, we were taught about how our Constitution was formulated and how one Mr.BabaSaheb Ambedkar with the foresight or goodwill, thought that for uniform development of various segments of the society fragmented based on the age old discrimination would be able to get together to build a formidable society & great India. The very basic principle behind this amendment was to ensure that everyone is tagged along as the country progressed further. These adjustment (if they can be referred so) were meant last for a defined period and post that period- C E A S E to exist. But post-independence the situations changed, the people's mindset changed...so did the thinking of the people in Power. With great power comes.... greater greed/ want!

Let me bring to you my perspective of how things changed for various groups involved, because of this small act…. To follow in next post. We will in the end get to how Homo Sapiens vanquished their own kingdom.

WHY DO WE RUN? WHY DO WE SPEED AWAY?

Every time you are in gym, your coach would be right beside you instructing you on- how to pace your cardio, how to lift the weights, and how synchronized the limb movements need to be for other exercise variants. One can observe for themselves when asked to do weights in a set of say 10-20, we try to rush through the set, in the belief that the faster we do better the chances we could complete it properly. The same applies to cardio (try to run fast to complete the distance) and exercise (do squats/ push-ups/ burpees faster). Your coach then gives you the sweet news, asks you to do say 75% of the set at one pace and rest at the slowest pace.

Once we try this, we realize how hard it is to actually finish the set. The amount of strain exerted on your muscles and more importantly your psyche is enormous. You would want to stop. You feel you can push no more. The pain is too much to bear. But, you learn later on that this percentage of effort is what that would shape you up, strengthen muscles and in fact built endurance. You can do with comfort more repetitions of the activity, run longer distances and difficult workouts too. A few weeks/ months of practice and you can see the results. You would need no further coaxing. You will strive to push harder to achieve next level. And, all along would admire the way your body's responding and THAT reflects in your beliefs too... in fewest of few cases.

Now, let’s change the scenario slightly, replace gym with life and workout regime with challenges or troubles or difficulties. For all practical purposes, we replicate our actions from gym in our life too. When confronted with a difficulty/ problem, we strive to rush through for a quick solution and in the absence of not achieving the desired result sulk out or give up. We try a few options, a few times (sometimes only once or twice) and then declare to ourselves that this is a pathetic situation with no feasible solution. That is often the dangerous phase of addressing the problem- post giving up.

Your mind would be addled quite a bit, thoughts running around in your mind as to why it couldn't be handled by you and sometimes the emotions become precariously placed- to tip over anytime. The problem could be on any of your fronts- office, home, friends or any kind of relationships too. It is basic human nature to ponder over unsolved problems and if they are related to you the mind is in a high drive mode. The inability to solve the challenge amicably could lead to display of a range of emotions all directed towards oneself- anger, despair, displeasure, resentment, disappointment, misery, sadness, self-pity everything! And as with the exercise bit, you would try to deal with it the wrong way. Imagine that you faced the problem at end of working hours, your next set of action is driving home but your mind is brimming with emotions. Seeking a faster solution (peace for yourself) few might consider revving up the engine and slicing through the traffic hoping that the adrenaline rush might put you at comfort.

The last bit isn’t advised as one might fail to notice the monstrous SUV’s coming headlong and sometimes smash into a vehicle injuring yourselves.

Let us take the coach's advice, just slow down the things, and learn to bear it to- better understand the situation & our ability to deal with it. Any problem thrown at us gives us an opportunity to test & hone our inherent skill of problem solving. Slowing things a bit gives us time to better focus our capability, improve our endurance level and more importantly an experience. Just like our muscle memory which adapts to the exercise routine and remembers the stress levels, our ability to keep composure in the face of challenge allows us to pull out relevant solutions and keep our mind stress free.

There’s no need to run away from troubles and screw it up, which could also be done by keeping the mind occupied to the extent that it hurts your career, personal life and infact even bodily harm. Though the emotion of sadness or despair might creep up in few cases, one needs to learn to be strong, however hard it might be.

Suffocating.......

This isn’t the exact breath choking experience one undergoes when the throat is being squeezed but something similar that which is lot more uncomfortable. This happens ‘coz of being over-burdened with or over indulgence of excessive love, care and concern.

Ever felt the constraint that is forced upon oneself by the care/ attention bestowed upon you by your parents/ friends/ well-wishers? Ever felt the desire to break free of the shackles you are bound to, due to your inability to do something “BY” yourselves, just because someone else in their anxiousness or over-excitement did that for you?

Well… that’s precisely what I am gonna be talking about. I will talk about how people manage to make the other person feel ultimately pissed off and miffed at, even though the reason behind the display of such a behaviour is due to care (misconstrued as overwhelming care), plain & simple love (mistaken for excessive display of love) and genuine concern (perfectly misinterpreted as obsession or possessiveness) .  If I miss anything here, pls feel free to keep it to yourselves :P….

Let’s take some scenarios which “some” people (say X) feel is a display of their willingness & pride in accomplishing something for the person (say Y) they care most for---

Y needs to buy something and wish that they know a bit more about it, and X here goes full steam ahead. X deems it to be their ‘mission’ and prepares a sort off project manual listing the specs of the item asked, the alternatives, the reviews, the best prices, where to get it, how etc etc…. Though this is information overload X feels that Y needs to have the best of inputs necessary and suggests the best one. Y here feels that the efforts of X need to be appreciated (forced) and goes ahead.

Y needs to travel to a destination all by themselves, X will make sure they knows their destination well, how to get there and back, tell Y what should be avoided, call every day and asks to be kept posted, etc. X desires to ensure that Y doesn’t face any problem.

And once the above travel happens and if that happens to be a long duration, X wishes to learn that Y is doing alright. For them, their health & well-being is of prime importance… and during the process of being kept updated enquires about the same, the food, the stay etc. And ohh yeah, the latest advent of social network doesn't help the case, Y is bugged on WhatsApp, Viber, Skype, Facebook, Line etc etc until the desired information is provided... and if delayed "hey you were online naaa... couldn't u have just said something".... 

I am sure the above scenarios are applicable to quite a few of us guys/ gals. So, why this should be likened to ‘suffocating’? The main negative aspect of this kind of love/ care/ concern/ attention is X does not allow Y to find their feet or least leave space/ time for themselves.

X does not want Y to unravel things for themselves, simply because they does not want them to get disappointed/ hurt.  So ultimately, X is killing all initiative Y wants or wishes to take. There is a lot of pleasure in finding out about anything by oneself.  The journey is fun and educative when exploration is done by oneself.  If there is a problem, then advice will be taken. And then there are highly individualistic persons, those who don’t like to ‘depend’ on others. They believe they might turn into a dependent personality.  Maybe there are Y’s who will enjoy this situation.  But a majority of them (the one I know, for sure falls in this category) do not.

X’s rush to do things for Y’s. If turned down, they can’t fathom why?, they are confused. “Why are you angry? I did that only because I damn care for you” …This is the constant buzzword one will hear from X. X does not realize there is joy in struggle,  at least to those people who are independent in nature.  There will be constant friction in the relationship.

All the Y’s out there, X’s are harmless creatures. It’s pretty difficult for them to give up this nature, they would definitely put in the desired efforts to let go off it. Even if they are willing to change, they will repeat it every now and then, much to your chagrin. They do not exhibit this nature with everyone they care for.  It is only special people in their lives who become recipient of this type of attention.  They do not realize that this kind of love/ care/ concern will harm sometimes. 

Spare a thought…

P.S.: The X’s and Y’s can be anyone, just try placing yourselves in one of the positions.

Disappointment

Ever seen the face of a kid when they don't get the choc they wanted you to give it to them? Ofcourse you hadn't done it on purpose, you forgot or some situation made you think "aaj nahi toh kal leke jaunga". You wouldn't easily forget that face and deep in your heart that stays imprinted, a sort of guilt feeling and you swear to yourselves "Will never let that happen?".... Don't you.

Now imagine the same thing with your loved ones, near & dear, your best friends. You promise something to them, plan to make it happen, almost get the thing done when you had to back off. Be it planning a vacation, a visit to a pub, a sumptuous lunch or as simple as a plate of Pani Puri. You thought you had everything under control, you didn't even dream that something could go wrong and that's when something goes wrong- Leaves not approved, You damn forgot dress code for disco, lunch just isn't happening bcoz of bullshit reasons and it rainssss. The look that gets etched on the face of your loved one, if that had been anger or frustration or disapproval or sadness or annoyance or rage or contempt one would get over it after sometime, seriously you can get over any of these reactions. But if that look is of utter "Disappointment", I tell you, you will take a long time to get over it.

The thing that keeps eating you with display of such an emotion is the feeling of having let someone down... someone who wants/ wanted to have accomplished the wish with you or have you fulfill that wish. That feeling, when it comes from a person who trusts you the most, believes that you could do anything and everything for them, and then you fail them, it’s just jusstt... I’m unable to find the words that suit the context or which could define that 'frame of mind'. Such state of mind keeps you awake all night... that expression keeps swimming even in your thoughts... makes you restless too.

That's when you need to be determined.. say it to yourselves and do everything you can to ensure these things don't repeat! After all what harm can little more efforts do to you if the rewards of a warm, bright and happy smile from your loved ones weight more.... And, you find "Satisfaction" written all over their smiles! ... To top it all your deepest apologies for goof up could be a good starting point... ofcourse if they are accepted!! 

David Vs Goliath

This was a lesson we learnt when we were kids, getting all excited and worked up about how a small guy takes on a big dude and slams him!! Isn't it the kind of thing every body dreams off? Getting on to a big stage... taking on a big challenge/ guy ... beating the odds... emerging the champ... taking the center stage n hogging the limelight... ohh yeah play a "hero" too if situation permits!! Everyone out there would have had a fantasy of say -- batting out an over to hit the winning run, saving a damsel in distress, waltzing across a dance floor with your 'crush' in your arms, flooring a lady you admire from a distance, being the center of attraction, and racing away on a bike/ car amongst few others.

It was a decently cold winter day and, yours sincerely here was riding on his bike on the way to office when an irritating honking noise caught his ears. A black Santro i20 was trying to cut its way through the decently heavy traffic and its driver was oblivious of the fact that even if he did HONKED the hardest anyone could on the planet, the traffic ahead of him wouldn't just jump sideways to let him through, kept up his game to the frustration of his fellow on-roaders. In no time the Santro was right behind me honking its guts out. I had nowhere to run what with a bus ahead of me, the divider to my right, traffic to my left and with the @$$#0!3 right behind me. With great difficulty I squeezed myself out of the position ahead of him and let him through. He zoomed away magically with the bus still ahead of him, I was left a bit perplexed.

With the traffic being a bit heavy, I spotted him & overtook him within 5mins, only to find the bugger "honking" madly within no time. This process got repeated 2 more times before it reached the crescendo. At Raidurgam junction, as the lights went green I was driving close to the divider trying to overtake a car ahead when this ass was right behind me yet again, darn that duffer. I try to give way to him and allow him to overtake from my right when he purposefully slams into my bike handle and cuts across almost tripping my bike. I got riled like hell and raced to catch him. I pull my bike ahead of his car making him to screech to a halt.

My dear friends the fun starts NOW!! I hope you remember the first para that talks about fantasising, that's what yours sincerely was trying to do. I wanted to grill that bugger and attain the (if the word exists) Hero feeling! I stop in front of the car, lift the visor and start throwing abuses at him. And, that’s when the driver steps out. And OFF goes my speech, my throat dried up and a gentle shiver travels through my spine. The respectful driver turns out to be a giant, may be 6'2" around 120Kilos and to drive me nuts was pitch black!! By the time I could take a deep breath, the David in me scampered all the way to Israel I guess!! The towering personality starts moving threateningly towards me and I am rooted at the same spot, out of stubborn guts?? Naaah, rather because of the fright and I lose the sense of mobility. Crazily I start admiring his act of throwing abuses as it seemed to be much effective than my nimble efforts.

He’s within one arm distance and his dhai kilo ka haath could have slayed me like a fly with a swipe, but I don’t bulge at this moment due the courage I was able to find in the farthest & deepest corner of my heart I had never ever visited (David starts his visa process in Israel). I gather my guts and start abusing him…meekly instead. You see having to scream with your helmet on and talk to someone who seems to be talking to you from second floor is quite difficult. This confrontation causes a small jam right next to a traffic cop’s stand, who seemed to think the time is ripe to step in after 5mins. Seeing the cop come the David in me catches the imaginary Concord and arrives in time. We both blurt out our version of the story. In between, just before the cop came this guys just pushed me back and I thought I would fly over my bike landing on the other side with a thud. Thankfully there were no such special effects and I am safe.

As we pour our complaints the traffic constable steps back a bit, notices the car number and becomes a bit wide eyed. I feared that this car might belong to some VIP and here I am about to get screwed. But the cop turns towards the driver and says- “You were the one who has been honking madly, driving rashly, bumping into cars and coming via City Center, Banjara Hills, FilmNagar route, right?” The driver dials down a lot from his aggressive stance and says yes. The cop turns towards me and says “వీడిని నాకు వదిలేయ్, అన్నగారు నాలుగు సిగ్నల్స్ బ్రేక్ చేసేడు, రెండు కార్లని గుద్దేడు అందులో ఒకటి మా CIకార్ అన్త... నేను చుసుకుంట వీడిని, నువ్వు లాగించు”

Feeling a bit victorious, off having escaped without getting hit I clambered onto my bike and was about to whizz off, when the cop said – “Nee size chusukuni godava padara abbayi”. I wanted to tell him about the David Vs Goliath story, but felt it would be unwise to teach anything to someone who just saved my neck. Bhaad mein gaya David mein toh chala office!!