Suffocating.......

This isn’t the exact breath choking experience one undergoes when the throat is being squeezed but something similar that which is lot more uncomfortable. This happens ‘coz of being over-burdened with or over indulgence of excessive love, care and concern.

Ever felt the constraint that is forced upon oneself by the care/ attention bestowed upon you by your parents/ friends/ well-wishers? Ever felt the desire to break free of the shackles you are bound to, due to your inability to do something “BY” yourselves, just because someone else in their anxiousness or over-excitement did that for you?

Well… that’s precisely what I am gonna be talking about. I will talk about how people manage to make the other person feel ultimately pissed off and miffed at, even though the reason behind the display of such a behaviour is due to care (misconstrued as overwhelming care), plain & simple love (mistaken for excessive display of love) and genuine concern (perfectly misinterpreted as obsession or possessiveness) .  If I miss anything here, pls feel free to keep it to yourselves :P….

Let’s take some scenarios which “some” people (say X) feel is a display of their willingness & pride in accomplishing something for the person (say Y) they care most for---

Y needs to buy something and wish that they know a bit more about it, and X here goes full steam ahead. X deems it to be their ‘mission’ and prepares a sort off project manual listing the specs of the item asked, the alternatives, the reviews, the best prices, where to get it, how etc etc…. Though this is information overload X feels that Y needs to have the best of inputs necessary and suggests the best one. Y here feels that the efforts of X need to be appreciated (forced) and goes ahead.

Y needs to travel to a destination all by themselves, X will make sure they knows their destination well, how to get there and back, tell Y what should be avoided, call every day and asks to be kept posted, etc. X desires to ensure that Y doesn’t face any problem.

And once the above travel happens and if that happens to be a long duration, X wishes to learn that Y is doing alright. For them, their health & well-being is of prime importance… and during the process of being kept updated enquires about the same, the food, the stay etc. And ohh yeah, the latest advent of social network doesn't help the case, Y is bugged on WhatsApp, Viber, Skype, Facebook, Line etc etc until the desired information is provided... and if delayed "hey you were online naaa... couldn't u have just said something".... 

I am sure the above scenarios are applicable to quite a few of us guys/ gals. So, why this should be likened to ‘suffocating’? The main negative aspect of this kind of love/ care/ concern/ attention is X does not allow Y to find their feet or least leave space/ time for themselves.

X does not want Y to unravel things for themselves, simply because they does not want them to get disappointed/ hurt.  So ultimately, X is killing all initiative Y wants or wishes to take. There is a lot of pleasure in finding out about anything by oneself.  The journey is fun and educative when exploration is done by oneself.  If there is a problem, then advice will be taken. And then there are highly individualistic persons, those who don’t like to ‘depend’ on others. They believe they might turn into a dependent personality.  Maybe there are Y’s who will enjoy this situation.  But a majority of them (the one I know, for sure falls in this category) do not.

X’s rush to do things for Y’s. If turned down, they can’t fathom why?, they are confused. “Why are you angry? I did that only because I damn care for you” …This is the constant buzzword one will hear from X. X does not realize there is joy in struggle,  at least to those people who are independent in nature.  There will be constant friction in the relationship.

All the Y’s out there, X’s are harmless creatures. It’s pretty difficult for them to give up this nature, they would definitely put in the desired efforts to let go off it. Even if they are willing to change, they will repeat it every now and then, much to your chagrin. They do not exhibit this nature with everyone they care for.  It is only special people in their lives who become recipient of this type of attention.  They do not realize that this kind of love/ care/ concern will harm sometimes. 

Spare a thought…

P.S.: The X’s and Y’s can be anyone, just try placing yourselves in one of the positions.

Disappointment

Ever seen the face of a kid when they don't get the choc they wanted you to give it to them? Ofcourse you hadn't done it on purpose, you forgot or some situation made you think "aaj nahi toh kal leke jaunga". You wouldn't easily forget that face and deep in your heart that stays imprinted, a sort of guilt feeling and you swear to yourselves "Will never let that happen?".... Don't you.

Now imagine the same thing with your loved ones, near & dear, your best friends. You promise something to them, plan to make it happen, almost get the thing done when you had to back off. Be it planning a vacation, a visit to a pub, a sumptuous lunch or as simple as a plate of Pani Puri. You thought you had everything under control, you didn't even dream that something could go wrong and that's when something goes wrong- Leaves not approved, You damn forgot dress code for disco, lunch just isn't happening bcoz of bullshit reasons and it rainssss. The look that gets etched on the face of your loved one, if that had been anger or frustration or disapproval or sadness or annoyance or rage or contempt one would get over it after sometime, seriously you can get over any of these reactions. But if that look is of utter "Disappointment", I tell you, you will take a long time to get over it.

The thing that keeps eating you with display of such an emotion is the feeling of having let someone down... someone who wants/ wanted to have accomplished the wish with you or have you fulfill that wish. That feeling, when it comes from a person who trusts you the most, believes that you could do anything and everything for them, and then you fail them, it’s just jusstt... I’m unable to find the words that suit the context or which could define that 'frame of mind'. Such state of mind keeps you awake all night... that expression keeps swimming even in your thoughts... makes you restless too.

That's when you need to be determined.. say it to yourselves and do everything you can to ensure these things don't repeat! After all what harm can little more efforts do to you if the rewards of a warm, bright and happy smile from your loved ones weight more.... And, you find "Satisfaction" written all over their smiles! ... To top it all your deepest apologies for goof up could be a good starting point... ofcourse if they are accepted!! 

David Vs Goliath

This was a lesson we learnt when we were kids, getting all excited and worked up about how a small guy takes on a big dude and slams him!! Isn't it the kind of thing every body dreams off? Getting on to a big stage... taking on a big challenge/ guy ... beating the odds... emerging the champ... taking the center stage n hogging the limelight... ohh yeah play a "hero" too if situation permits!! Everyone out there would have had a fantasy of say -- batting out an over to hit the winning run, saving a damsel in distress, waltzing across a dance floor with your 'crush' in your arms, flooring a lady you admire from a distance, being the center of attraction, and racing away on a bike/ car amongst few others.

It was a decently cold winter day and, yours sincerely here was riding on his bike on the way to office when an irritating honking noise caught his ears. A black Santro i20 was trying to cut its way through the decently heavy traffic and its driver was oblivious of the fact that even if he did HONKED the hardest anyone could on the planet, the traffic ahead of him wouldn't just jump sideways to let him through, kept up his game to the frustration of his fellow on-roaders. In no time the Santro was right behind me honking its guts out. I had nowhere to run what with a bus ahead of me, the divider to my right, traffic to my left and with the @$$#0!3 right behind me. With great difficulty I squeezed myself out of the position ahead of him and let him through. He zoomed away magically with the bus still ahead of him, I was left a bit perplexed.

With the traffic being a bit heavy, I spotted him & overtook him within 5mins, only to find the bugger "honking" madly within no time. This process got repeated 2 more times before it reached the crescendo. At Raidurgam junction, as the lights went green I was driving close to the divider trying to overtake a car ahead when this ass was right behind me yet again, darn that duffer. I try to give way to him and allow him to overtake from my right when he purposefully slams into my bike handle and cuts across almost tripping my bike. I got riled like hell and raced to catch him. I pull my bike ahead of his car making him to screech to a halt.

My dear friends the fun starts NOW!! I hope you remember the first para that talks about fantasising, that's what yours sincerely was trying to do. I wanted to grill that bugger and attain the (if the word exists) Hero feeling! I stop in front of the car, lift the visor and start throwing abuses at him. And, that’s when the driver steps out. And OFF goes my speech, my throat dried up and a gentle shiver travels through my spine. The respectful driver turns out to be a giant, may be 6'2" around 120Kilos and to drive me nuts was pitch black!! By the time I could take a deep breath, the David in me scampered all the way to Israel I guess!! The towering personality starts moving threateningly towards me and I am rooted at the same spot, out of stubborn guts?? Naaah, rather because of the fright and I lose the sense of mobility. Crazily I start admiring his act of throwing abuses as it seemed to be much effective than my nimble efforts.

He’s within one arm distance and his dhai kilo ka haath could have slayed me like a fly with a swipe, but I don’t bulge at this moment due the courage I was able to find in the farthest & deepest corner of my heart I had never ever visited (David starts his visa process in Israel). I gather my guts and start abusing him…meekly instead. You see having to scream with your helmet on and talk to someone who seems to be talking to you from second floor is quite difficult. This confrontation causes a small jam right next to a traffic cop’s stand, who seemed to think the time is ripe to step in after 5mins. Seeing the cop come the David in me catches the imaginary Concord and arrives in time. We both blurt out our version of the story. In between, just before the cop came this guys just pushed me back and I thought I would fly over my bike landing on the other side with a thud. Thankfully there were no such special effects and I am safe.

As we pour our complaints the traffic constable steps back a bit, notices the car number and becomes a bit wide eyed. I feared that this car might belong to some VIP and here I am about to get screwed. But the cop turns towards the driver and says- “You were the one who has been honking madly, driving rashly, bumping into cars and coming via City Center, Banjara Hills, FilmNagar route, right?” The driver dials down a lot from his aggressive stance and says yes. The cop turns towards me and says “వీడిని నాకు వదిలేయ్, అన్నగారు నాలుగు సిగ్నల్స్ బ్రేక్ చేసేడు, రెండు కార్లని గుద్దేడు అందులో ఒకటి మా CIకార్ అన్త... నేను చుసుకుంట వీడిని, నువ్వు లాగించు”

Feeling a bit victorious, off having escaped without getting hit I clambered onto my bike and was about to whizz off, when the cop said – “Nee size chusukuni godava padara abbayi”. I wanted to tell him about the David Vs Goliath story, but felt it would be unwise to teach anything to someone who just saved my neck. Bhaad mein gaya David mein toh chala office!!

The awesome experience!!

It has been what... say close to 25yrs since I last visited Tirupati !! Trust me guys somehow I never managed to go to meet Mr.Venky since I went there when my tammi was a year old or little more. On the other hand my little bro did manage to pay him regular visits if I am not wrong around 4 in the last 4 years or less. So, when I finally got the chance to visit my childhood god's location, I was a bit excited, thrilled and few other superlatives that describe the Goosebumps raising scenarios. Little did I realise that Mr.Venky might be "teensy weensy bit" mad at me.

Owing to the amazing planning which happened at the last moment had to travel by bus, and b'coz it was late night called a known auto driver for dropping us there (10:15AM). The misfortune (if I could call it so, starts RIGHT here!) struck us, the auto came late (10:35PM) and as we thought we might miss the bus we were dropped at the designated place (10:45PM). Venky's on my side, phew!!  The bus started 'ON TIME' (yayyy!!) but just 2.5hrs into the journey (1:30AM) the bus broke down due to some oil leakage, didn't even reach Kurnool. The alternate bus arrived but not before, would you believe it 5AM in the morning!! grrrrrrrr.... They assure a 10AM Tirupati drop which turns to 11AM!! Luckily, our Darshan time was 1PM. Venky’s still (?) on my side, phew!! (I am just a little bit circumspect)... 

P.S. - We had nothing since our dinner last night at 8PM--- 15hrs onnnnn

We hire a cab to Tirumala, a 30min drive becomes 1hr 15mins journey (12:15PM) owing to the heavy security measures. We wait for our designated help to show us our cottage but he miraculously turns up an hour late (1:15PM)...but turns up he does. Successfully get our lodging formalities completed (2:30PM) and start our search for the location of the building and I get reminded of Hyderabad, where everyone says "seedhe jaao" when sought for directions. Eventually land up at our cottage at 3PM ... and yeah in between our buswala calls up to kindly inform that our return trip ticks have been cancelled with full refund (as if it was gud news).. Now I'm worried about my stay for night n travel too... I call up my friend and ask him to make booking for the next day.... Venkyyyy?? Venkyyy?? On my side, aren't you? ... 

P.S. - 19hrs and counting, since we had anything at all :(

By 3:30PM we freshen up and rush to the temple, don't remember how we both landed there as neither of us had been to the temple off late. We find our way to the Vaikuntham Complex (Supatham) and stand in the 'Q' by 4:15PM. Little did we realise that all the Q's were being merged (300/-, 100/-, 20/- etc etc) and the pace is set on auto mode to 'Snail pace'. Close to 5:30PM we were about to enter the main temple, when an a$$#0!e in the form of one Mr.Jagan makes his grand entry with his complete entourage and stops all the devotee lines and yeah makes a spectacular show of turning up right at the main entrance with his bloody footwear ON!!! Few devotees throw in choicest of abuses in spite of being in the temple and still Jagan doesn't bother. So, we get stopped for 2hrs I guess and then finally complete our 10sec bhagwan darshan by 7:50PM. We fight our way out along with the prasad and miraculously land out by 8:15PM wowww..... Venkyy??? Venkyyy??? You there???... 

P.S. - 24hrs and counting without having had anything in our tummies :(

Now this gets interesting here, I can't find my chappal!! Ididgo vinnaraa... I lose my footwear and now have to walk bare feet on an empty stomach... Venkyy why soo kopam!! Vunnavaa, assalu vunnavaa!!

We quickly cross the temple street and gulp down on food available finally at 8:45PM and then get dropped at our cottage. Can't remember when we crashed on the bed and when we dozed off, I woke up the next day at 10AM!! As, we check out the next day the sun beating hard and the asphalt being hard Mr.Venky makes me walk bear feet hopping all over finding for shade. We take the bus to Tirupati, hop around searching for an auto and make my way over the steaming hot asphalt to buy a pair of chappal to ensure another bubblegum doesn't get stuck to my feet! .... Bhagwaan Mr.Venky kaiko itna ghussa jii :( :(

We spend rest of the noon until the time to catch our return bus at a nearest hotel and finally return to Hyderabad!! Never realised the warmth of home until I opened the doors to my place in the morning!! ... but couldn't అర్ధం కాలేదు దేవుడికి అంట కోపం ఎందుకు వుందో నా పైన!! క్షమించు వెంకన్న క్షమించి, ఎమన్నా తప్పులు వుంటే మన్నించు !! 

 ఏడుకొండల వాడా వెంకటరమణ గోవిందా గోవింద !!

That 'One' Person!

There are times when you desperately need 'that' 'one' person to be around.... to share with them the happy news, some psst psst info actually gossip around if you are a girl (no offence meant :P), discuss something needy/ imp or more so often to have a listening ear for something that's bothering you or putting you down. A simple routine which is being followed since a long time can still pull out a surprising scenario that puts one in a tight corner and actually manage to irritate one (leads to despair), actually swing your mood to extremities of negativity!

The one name or face of the person that flashes across your mind when you are need of such a comfort or solace is the one whom you truly trust and blindly believe to possess a 'magic wand' to pull out of that despair is - Your Best Friend! We meet so many people in our life, call so many as our friends but as they say "Cometh the hour, Cometh the man"; when you face a situation (be it any) the first person whom you want to reach out to would always be "that person". In this age of smartphone take the scenario - You get a funny msg or want to speak to someone, and the first person to whom you send it or wish to, says all about what 'that' person means to you. Just sit back and think of all the states whether you are happy, sad, anxious, excited or whatever be the emotion and now think, who was that person to whom you tried to reach out first? ..... That my friend is your Best friend!!

Ever happened to you that you are feeling well and handsomely knocked down by situation. You look around for that familiar face pull them out and start being your natural self with them. You don't even have to try hard to spill your despair/ speak at all. Your silence is understood. There is wave of warmth that flows through you, you wouldn't even realize when the grim on your face turned upside down into a smile. You feel a rush of cheerfulness spreading across you mind by doing absolutely 'nothing' but the usual. Slowly you start talking unabashedly and your acts of unashmedness (does such a word exist?, doesn't matter if the message is conveyed ;)) return to your usual self, like you have knocked off a bottle of whisky (or simply "కళ్ళు తాగిన  కొతి ").

People around you would quickly notice the sudden change in your behaviour and alarmed by this mood swing might question, "What did you have for lunch?".... And you might reply "Sambar Rice" JJJ... smirking to yourself!!!

Thank god for giving you such friends and thank them for putting up with you all along and being such a source of strength to you.

THANK YOU MY DEAREST FRIENDUUUU ! Thank god I have known you!! J!